Day by day

from dusk till dawn

in dew sunshine or storm

this feeling grows in me

and keeps me warm

It should have been that of loss

made me forlorn

but this feeling in me

it keeps me warm

I might be reaching insanity

for what i seek

might not be true

but my heart doesn't believe that

even for seconds few

Such is this feeling in me

warmth it shall always be

Of what it is

i shall never know

a test

a phase

a path unknown

What was

is what is known

With this feeling of past known

future unknown

i listen to voices inside of me

This feeling in me says

it will bring us to we.

A Prayer

In my ecstasy

let me live

upon my hard wood mattress

may my body rest

while i count the stars

that i may not see

i shall then

all those carpenters forgive.

on the seesaw of sorrow

let me play

while i slide down

the banister of life

as much of dismay

i shall forgive your blows

even if in so

i am sent to slay.

upon the trees of a desert land

where a thousand cactus can only grow

let me jump from tree to tree

as i dream of a green grass land

which seems to be from doom so free.

it is then

that i shall forgive this land of thee'

where a thousand errors are noted on me.

Body and Soul

Stabbed

by thousand brunts

the heart lived on

with the aching soul

body

the sanctum of their

matrimonial home.

In their bliss

they subdued

the harsh cold

as the carcass

protected them

from mysteries of life

which would continually unfold.

The shell

made of human skin

was but a living throne

of their woes

which they together had borne.

Tattered and torn

the shed would leak

of torrential storm

but they contended

whether hay or sunshine

not caring of external form.

It was not

cement mortar or stone

human hide

was one of clay

living

yet not accustomed

to life's play.

Tides

Lets drive away from oblivion,

see the sunset

while we stand on the shore

with the seemingly white sands.

Lets drive away from oblivion...

Shall we see it through?

Let us dive into the ocean,

taste the salty waters

and see what it brings us to.

Shall we see it through?

Come lets flow with the tides,

see the water gush away our sorrows-

follow relentless dreams

or take us to dimmed nights.

Come lets flow with the tides...

I am alright

i thought i was alright

as lost as i was

i thought i was alright

nothing could fit into place

but i was happy

i thought all was well

i thought i was alright

the world was revolving

and so was i

but i thought i was alright

torments never mattered

as i held my head high

i thought i was alright

nothing really mattered

neither the world nor i

i thought i was alright

i met you i laughed and i laughed some more

still i was alright

so much better than alright

i guess

i was happy

i saw me

i found you

i touched my low

i touched my high

i touched you

all was alright

and so was i

i needed a hand

i found another soul

my angel i said

i found my dream

i needed to cry

you held me tight

as you lay next to me

trying to push everything away

but i wouldn't stop

you knew what mattered was you

i needed you

you gave me comfort

you let me cry

you held me tight

i was ok

everything was alright

i guess

i was happy

remember that day

not so long ago

you held my hand

we walked through lonely streets

not so alone

i had you

you had me

i had everything

the dark corners didnt scare me anymore

maybe i didnt care no more

i held you

you held me

we had control

i was alright

i stand here sometimes

looking far far away

remembering a long lost summer afternoon

and the bus ride

you were so close

everything seemed alright

i stand here

every day

every night

every single moment of my life

trying not to think

trying not to recapitulate

every thing that felt so right

the days dont pass

and the night seems lonelinier still

i think i'm alright

sometimes i need to hear your voice

sometimes i need your touch

your arms

our talks

the way you smelled

deep into myself i just need to see

i can hear you still

smell the way you smelled

feel your touch

see you smile

or was that your grin?

i think i'm alright

you are with me

you are within me

and i'm happier still

i guess

i am alright

Cry

You cry and you stand alone,

You cry because you are left alone.

You cry on lonely days,

You cry when it becomes a hard day.

You cry because you remember the times when you didnt,

You cry because those times are lost-decayed and wilt.

You cry in loneliness and in fear,

You cry in happiness and in cheer.

You cry because you have lost those who were close and dear,

You cry because you want them near.

You cry because a hard rain is going to fall,

You cry because you need to reach out and call.

You cry because all is a mess,

You cry because you have not been blessed.

You cry because you want to hold someone's hand,

You cry because everyone you love leaves you for someone else's land.

You cry because your pain is your's again,

You cry because its all going down the drain.

You cry more than you laugh,

You cry every day till you last.

Dance

"Take me by the hand,
Make me walk on wattery sands.
Dont let go-
Hold me close
As we fly away ever so slow..
Let it be above sunflower fields
As you sing for the love it yields.."

But,
Life can't be this,
It cant be flowers and songs or sands,
It has to be more than holding hands.

It will see us in a different mood
Once we choose-
Yes,choose-to move away and brood.
Brood about why we met,laughed and played,
Or why it was that we eva prayed!

'Tis like this that life will go....
go on without love or laugh or play.

For it is the dance of life that will make us all sway.

What would be the cost of a dozen flowers that life has given us,
would it be the blood that flows
out of the pricks
that the thorns have inflicted on us?

The charge of living a dreamy life among the stars,
will it be the sleepless nights
that are spent in their arms?

Why should everything be charged on bills of life,
Why should we be made to succumb?

What should I give in lieu of gifts bestowed on me,
should it be
the passing of my life
or the time that does not seem to fade away?

It will be what it has always been,
Change will never be seen.
What was will be what is
And what is shall always be.

The only change shall be in our mind's eye,
Which would retrogess
only to defy-
all that which would have changed.

Our future would be an illusion
of all that would be,
deep down inside
i will always be me.

What I am will be what has made me me,
the past would always bind me to thee.

The future lies in my dreams,
all that I wish to be would be my own
But who I will become will always be me.

muddlehead-
trying to climb the stairway,
trying to reach stability.

muddlehead-
dumbfound.

muddlehead-
balancing on a single step.

muddlehead-
rejoicing a moment of relief.

muddlehead-
trying to carve a niche in your heart.

muddlehead-
trying to convince herself and you too.

ha!
muddlehead-
DUMBFOUND, CONFUSED, LONELY, WANTING, LOVING, NEEDING, WAITING....

The death of a thousand tears,
the birth of a thousand fears....

The death of a new found love
and the birth of a new found fear...

Such pain such love such loss,
all speak of a mortal life- full of mortal fears...

I wonder then,
that why should my heart leap a thousand feet at such transitory emotions...

Why, why should it sink in a million tears
when all it should do is submerge,
submerge in itself all those mortal fears....

I want to fly with ecsatsy-
in an immortal sky of love,
where death holds no meaning
and emotions win over all fears...

But such wants know not how to exist,
they know not how to rule...

All they do is to subsist in this killer of a life...

That life which remains mortal in this space of immortal fear...

I am losing-
losing my marbles again,
trying to kill myself over and over again;

Suffocating my mind-
loosing the wings of sanity in a world full of loonies;

They stare with their frozen eyes and much cooler embrace,
they stare for they enjoy the madness of my dance
and embrace me-
coz craziness only attracts pity;

I mock you,
I mock them,
most of all i mock the secret talker-
the conversationalist who talks to me day in and day out,
tells me that i dont even need to fight: for love,ecstacy, air or life...

I listen to it,
and then to you too
and all those voices which dont seem to be like musical hues...

I live on-
living at peace with my blues,
laugh on till it gets too loud for my ears too...